One Million Sandcastles
by Recode
Summary: For years, Tsuna would take every rejection with a smile and Hibari would keep denying until the end. After switching with his future counterpart, young Hibari is plaqued by dreams. Or paradoxical memories, all of which would strengthen or confuse him.
1. Of Confessions and Heartbreaks

**Title:** One Million Sandcastles  
**Fandom:** Katekyo Hitman Reborn  
**Characters:** Hibari Kyouya, Sawada Tsunayoshi (main)  
**Pairings:** 1827 with one refusing and one insisting, one-sided D27, allusions of 8059 and twisted 10027. More along the way, perhaps.  
**Word Count:** 2,308  
**Genre:** Angsty romance (or the lack of it)  
**Timeline:** pre-TYL

"_It's like your heart is all composed of tiny grains of sand;  
it's entirely impossible for me to leave a trace of myself there."  
- __**Darien Adair**__ in __**Eleven Fifty Nine**_

**One Million Sandcastles  
**_**Un Milione di Castelli di Sabbia**__  
__per Hibari Kyouya e Sawada Tsunayoshi_

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

He was not someone who was not capable of love, regardless of what his cold exterior suggested. He never feared love. He was only wary of what it usually entailed, of what it usually demanded. Hibari Kyouya was a man of principles and disciplines. Even the smallest of change would capture his attention, even more so if it concerned his self. He noticed the increase in his heart beat in the presence of a young man who would someday become the only person he would ever acknowledge as his superior. He noticed how his eyes started to follow even the slightest glimpse of the boy, be it his retreating back or his hand or his hair when he rounded a corner. It was unsettling only at first. With time, Hibari learned that this feeling of love could not be so bad if it made him taste the sweet essence of happiness every time the boy said his name.

When 17-year-old Sawada Tsunayoshi poured his heart out to him, proclaiming his feelings of love he could no longer keep hidden, Hibari's heart soared like thousands of multicoloured birds painting the sky in the sweet colours of love. He drank in the sight of the other boy's trembling lips and bright eyes, noting how the boy was trying his hardest not to run away, looking at the boy like he was his everything.

In a way that no one would ever know (even Hibari himself) at least until much, much later, Sawada Tsunayoshi _was_ the essence of his very existence.

He listened to the words the boy said, wanting to imprint them at the back of his mind forever and ever and ever like a blind old fool who reveled in being a hopeless romantic. And then the words were gone, leaving the boy to look at him with expectant eyes and still trembling lips, anticipating his response.

_Tell him you love him_, he heard his heart said. _Tell him you want to be with him. Tell him you will always be with him. Tell him. Tell him!_

It felt like forever that they stood staring at each other in that empty classroom, both waiting though for different reasons. When Hibari did speak, when he did respond, he wanted to throw his tonfas off the cliff of the highest mountain in the world – wanted to throw the Vongola ring into the fire just to hold it in his palm later so the crest would be forever engraved upon his burnt flesh, wanted to walk into a Death Camp like the one in Auschwitz in the time of the World War and wait for the inevitably painful death that would be bestowed upon him.

He turned the boy down. He rejected his feelings. He sent the boy away.

He would never forget the boy's eyes before he walked away. They were no longer bright, but they weren't watery in the least – not like the way one would tremble and cry out like in those clichéd soap operas and cheesy romance novels. He would never forget the way the boy looked too. Even as he walked away with his heart broken into bits of unrecognisable powder, Sawada Tsunayoshi was smiling.

Hibari could never associate smiles with happiness ever again.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The official inauguration of the Tenth Vongola was when the boss was a mere young man of eighteen, heart still very much broken. He was smiling and standing tall, surrounded by his guardians and the men he would lead until the day he died. Hibari watched from the sidelines as the dashing young man, who was once a boy who cried too much, mingled with people who cared about prestige and money more than they would ever care about the real person the young man was.

Tsuna (or Tsunayoshi, as he had taken to fondly refer to in his broken monologues) caught his eyes and waved, motioning for him to join the gathering of _worthless herbivores_. He was already formally introduced as the Cloud Guardian once; he saw no need to be personally reintroduced to a bunch of suck-ups. So he looked away, breaking the eye contact with Tsuna.

He stood away from the crowd, out in the balcony for the longest time, wondering if Tsunayoshi remembered their encounter in that empty classroom just a year ago. He wondered if the young man knew he was just as heartbroken and had been in such state since then.

"I thought you left," a familiar voice penetrated his silence reverie, forcing him to turn just slightly to the speaker's direction.

Tsuna.

Hibari narrowed his eyes, ignoring the sudden urge to jump down the balcony and retreat to his living quarters. "Was it so surprising that I'm still here?"

He watched Tsuna chuckle at his remark, making his way to the lavishly carved banisters opposite to the one he was leaning against. "Not really."

They stood in silence after that, watching the bright full moon shining down on them, showering the otherwise dark balcony with ethereal light. Hibari chanced a glance at his now official boss, noting the mesmerising glow he seemed to emanate in the moonlight. For the umpteenth time, his heart was captured. It cried out with bleeding affection, but he drowned the pitiful sound by gritting his teeth.

"I'm still very much in love with you, you know."

Tsuna's words had come unannounced. He was not prepared to face such blatant verbal declaration of love.

Hibari blinked. He stared at Tsuna with no trace of emotion on his face or in his eyes. His heart was crying out again, making it almost impossible to drown them out by simply clenching his fingers or gritting his rows of teeth.

_Tell him you love him too!_ His heart cried again, and he was reminded of the empty classroom and their broken hearts.

"You shouldn't be," he said, wanting to jump down Cozzo Levanche straight into the Grande River, drifting away from their headquarters in Sicily out into the Tyrrhenian Sea. "It won't bring you anything."

"It's okay," Tsuna replied silently. "I want to be in love with you."

"Even if I tell you not to?" _Lies, all lies._

"Even if you tell me not to." _Would you ever?_

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

It was hard not to notice how Dino Cavallone regarded Tsuna as more than just his little brother. The man was almost cunning in his advances and all Hibari wanted was to bark at him to stay the hell away from Tsuna. He didn't care if the man was his tutor, nor did he care about how highly Tsuna regarded Dino. Hibari would still kill him if he ever wronged Tsuna.

Nevertheless, he knew no one had wronged Tsuna more than he had.

He overheard Gokudera voicing his concern to Yamamoto once. He knew his beloved Tenth was in love with someone, someone who was not Sasagawa Kyouko, someone he didn't have a clue about. Gokudera didn't want Tsuna's beloved to be Dino because he feared the Bucking Horse was not really in love with Tsuna. Yamamoto didn't want Tsuna's beloved to be Dino because he feared Tsuna would be torn between two families.

Yet they didn't know Tsuna was in love with Hibari. Would they be relieved if they knew, or would they rethink and come to a conclusion that Tsuna would be better off with Dino than with someone like Hibari?

One evening, he was challenged to a round of practice duel with his infuriating tutor. He expected the man's increase in strength, but he didn't expect Dino to fight him with anger and something akin to hatred. After a few blows, what started out as practice turned into a full-out battle between them. Not that Hibari minded.

"Why must it be you?" Dino shouted in between blows, almost startling Hibari. Almost. "Why must he be in love you - you who don't even want to be near him? Why you?"

The man's words dripped heavily of controlled venom. Hibari could taste the rage and frustration and rejection in every blow he took and blocked. It was either Tsuna had told him or he found out by accident. If it was the former, he almost regretted not being there when Tsuna refused Dino's romantic affection, sadistic as he may sound. He probably told the poor man they were better off as brothers while smiling his usual smile.

"You don't even love him," Dino accused. They both had stopped trying to kill each other after being hit by a rather heavy blow from both directions. "So why is he in love with you?"

Hibari wiped a trail of blood on his mouth, sneering at the man in front of him who was supposed to act like a sane adult given his status as a Don. "Because he does," he told the frustrated man like the answer was so very simple to comprehend. "Who are you to say otherwise?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

When Reborn died, Tsuna had been more distraught than he should be. The news of the deaths of a few other Arcobalenos shook him even harder. The one who noticed the extent of the Decimo's anguish was probably only his guardians, including Hibari who had just return from researching box weapons, and of course Dino, who never seemed to stop subtly trying to get Tsuna to change his heart. Hibari wondered if they knew he was in the balcony when the two of them shared their memories of being Reborn's students, laughing and crying like they were still two young children.

Everything went downhill from there. Sometimes, Hibari would find himself staring at his finger where his Vongola ring used to snuggly rest upon. Having the ring destroyed was almost like having a part of Tsuna torn from him. If he was a young child, he would have cried at the loss, but he didn't. He was not weak. If Tsuna thought it was the best course of action, then it was the best. His words were the rule. Tsuna himself was the law.

But not to Millefiore.

They hunted, killed, destroyed and lusted for the blood of those associated with the Vongola. Tsuna's office was littered with unwanted petals and letters sent by bloodied messengers – from Byakuran himself. _One thousand flowers for my beloved_, the letters had read, always ended up being ripped to shreds by Gokudera or Yamamoto before the latter was sent to their headquarters back in Japan.

And then came the very secret meeting with Irie Shouichi, who was supposed to serve under Byakuran as one of his Funeral Wreaths, and with the blasted meeting came the most bizarre plan Hibari had ever heard in his life.

The plan which involved Tsuna's death.

Hibari did his best to look calm and collected, excusing himself from the meeting with a mere "I'll do what I can" and a smirk at Tsuna's silently mouthed words of appreciation. In his room, Hibari smashed the empty vase near his bed, sending it to the floor with uncontrolled wrath.

They met at a dark hallway that night. Hibari could almost see Tsuna's smile, his figure illuminated by the small traces of moonlight seeping through the curtained window. He wanted to run to the man, hold him in his arms and never let go. He wanted to tell him to devise another plan, one that was not as crazy.

"Why am I the one to hold this secret?" he asked, facing Tsuna in the dark.

Tsuna chuckled like he always did. How he could still smile was beyond Hibari's comprehension. "Because you don't love me."

It was unexpected. Hibari drew a sharp breath before turning around and walked away. He could barely breathe, from anger or sadness or frustration, he didn't know. All he knew was that he wanted to die so badly not for the first time since the broken moment in that empty classroom years ago.

Hibari flew to another continent the next day and Tsuna flew to Japan the day after his departure. The headquarters in Italy was obliterated not long after.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Inbox: Message (1/32)  
**From:** Sawada Tsunayoshi  
I love you.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

He was on his second flight in three days. He stared at his cell phone as if it was not switched off – as if he could still read the last message it received and the last message he sent. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep when the jet took off.

They had already put out the light by the time he opened his eyes. For the first time in his life, he was genuinely thankful of having the Vongola arranged for each guardian to have one private jet for personal use.

Taking one last glance at his watch, he leaned back against the reclining seat and closed his eyes again. It was becoming significantly harder to hold back the choking emotions now that he knew what time it was in Japan. He knew his phone would ring once they disembark. He knew he would hear either Yamamoto Takeshi or Gokudera Hayato on the phone, telling him what he would pretend to not know when the truth was very much the opposite.

The whirring sound of the engine was his best friend as unwanted tears trickled down his cheeks in silent tracks. If Kusakabe were to check up on him, Hibari was prepared to blame the air pressure regardless of how illogical it would make him sound. For the time being, he would not stop the tears.

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I've always, always been in love with you._

Hundreds of miles away, the sound of gunshots pierced through the silence.

Two hearts stopped beating, one forever and the other metaphorically.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Outbox: Message (1/1)  
**To:** Sawada Tsunayoshi  
I love you.  
More than you think I do.

**The End of the Beginning**_  
La fine di l'inizio_

_

* * *

_

Thank you for reading. I'd also appreciate any kind of response from my readers (and thank you in advance should you feel like reviewing).

**Extra Notes:** This fanfic is the original oneshot of my doujin, 「祈り」(inori, meaning prayer) before I started making alterations to the original plot. And yes, this is not supposed to be over. I usually only write drabbles and prologues with little to no dialogues.

* Eleven Fifty Nine is my original BL novel, currently still in drafting.

p.s/ After all the cracks, angst is still what I do best. Kind of sad…


	2. Of Lilies and Coffins

Thank you for all the wonderful reviews on the previous chapter. You have my gratitude for your time and input. I'm sorry if I somehow gave you the impression that I was not going to continue this story. Here's for those who waited. Be careful with the chapter as it is a bit confusing.

_Note: Standard disclaimer applies. Please refrain from reading this fan ficti__on if you dislike wordy stories :)_

_. . . . . ._

_. . . . . ._

"You haven't been sending in your reports, Hibari-san," said a voice from the other end of the line. "Gokudera-kun has been calling you all kinds of wacky names he could think of. It's sort of hurting my ears, if you must know. At least tell us what you've been up to for the past few weeks. I swear Gokudera-kun was just about getting ready to label you as KIA on your profile record in our database."

Hibari drummed his fingers on the table before closing his eyes, suppressing the sigh that was asking to be let free. "I'm not obligated to tell you everything about the Foundation and its business. Everybody knows that."

"But you have an obligation to report your findings. Well, unless there has been no progress made…"

He raised an eyebrow, amused. "Are you suggesting that I'm not being meticulous enough in doing my work, Sawada Tsunayoshi?"

A chuckle was heard over the phone, causing Hibari to bite his lips, trying hard not to smile into the receiver. It has been a while since he last talked to Tsuna. He was starting to miss him terribly. Although nothing had changed between them since Tsuna's last confession over a year ago, he still cherished all of their encounters; all of their conversations.

"Of course not. Why would I suggest something so bizarre?"

Hibari merely snorted softly as an answer. "Because you always do."

He could almost imagine the smaller man scrunching his nose at his phone

"You know me so well, Hibari-san. I'm amazed."

_Because I love you._

Hibari bit his lips to keep from falling victim to the infamous Freudian Slip, gripping the phone in his palm tighter but not strong enough to break it.

"I know everything, Sawada Tsunayoshi. There's nothing I don't know."

On the other side of the world, Tsuna's eyes softened as he cradled his phone longingly. They both knew there was a brief moment of hesitation before Hibari said the words, and the brief moment could mean anything at all.

"Of course," he whispered. "Of course you do." _And you know how much I love you_.

No.

Hibari did not know why he kept denying them both their feelings, so he could not possibly know everything. He kept denying and denying and denying his own feelings, putting up an impenetrable wall of thorns to keep out the love willingly given to him, hiding under the pretence of indifference and apathy.

Their painfully delicate true feelings, kept in the darkest basement of crying, bleeding heart of his.

. . . . .

. . . . .

. . . . .

**ONE MILLION SANDCASTLES  
for Hibari Kyouya & Sawada Tsunayoshi**

Hibari woke up with a start, eyes staring at the ceiling with eyes so wide that the muscles around them throbbed with the sudden feeling of being stretched unexpectedly from their relaxed state. He spent the first few moments of his wake staring at nothing at all in the darkness of his room, trying to make sense of the prickling sense of dull pain in his heart, evening out his ragged breathing.

He certainly knew the person he saw in his dream. The person may look a bit older and calmer, but he was definitely Sawada Tsunayoshi, cloaked in a grandiose black mantel that looked as if it was shining under the bright sun blinding Hibari's eyes in his dream. The man's lips moved to form words, but no sound reached his ears.

Only silence.

He shouted. He shouted for Tsuna to speak to him louder, but he could still hear nothing until the very end when he was jolted back from the confusing dreamscape back into the world of living. He should not be so affected by a dream where he met an older Tsuna, but he was greatly troubled nonetheless.

The dull pain in his heart persisted.

_"Why am I feeling so out of place just because of the herbivore?"_

Groaning with frustration, he soaked himself under the shower for a good hour to calm down. His heartbeat returned to normal, but the memories of his dream continued haunting him. He didn't even notice the water had turned cold when he stepped out of the shower, drying himself with a large towel and donning his usual pair of clothes cleaned and ironed by the girls one day prior. He would later head up to the school where his blond tutor would probably be waiting for him to continue their training.

He hated it.

He hated how everybody else suddenly seemed stronger and wiser than they were before he was sucked into this unsightly future. He hated not knowing many things about this place, so familiar yet so strange to even look at. His hands itched to smash everything into little pieces just so he could play jigsaw with them and put them back in their right order. Hibari wanted nothing else than to just abandon this future that he was seeing. He did not live in this future, so it was not his. He would make his own, and it would definitely different.

He walked aimlessly down through the dimly lit corridors of the hideout, not caring where he was going. It was almost as if his feet had a mind of his own. Ten minutes later found him taking the elevator and going down to a floor he had never been too. The floor had corridors different from the ones on the upper floors. It was as if the door opened to a long hallway of a ridiculously large mansion. Oak doors leading to unknown rooms lined the corridor in fixed intervals, making the place looked almost like living quarters or just hotel room doors of some kind.

Hibari tried opening the first door on his right and found it locked. He tried the door on the opposite side just to find it locked too. At the end of the hallway, there was a door bigger than all of the other doors, sporting one of the most magnificent woodcarving that he had ever seen in his life. As expected, the door would not budge. Locked. Glaring at it with annoyance apparent in his eyes, he turned on his heels to return to the first floor that would lead him out of the hideout.

_Hibari-san…_

His finger froze midair from pushing the button to call the elevator back down. He turned his head to the direction of the gigantic door and stared at it for a full minute. Surely it was just a figment of his imagination, wasn't it? Why would he be hearing Tsuna's voice in this place?

_Hibari-san. You could have knocked first before entering, you know. It's proper etiquette._

He closed his eyes and focused back at the elevator, one hand caressing his temple where something akin to headache was steadily growing. He was even hearing the herbivore speaking in full sentences. Something must be extremely wrong with his head.

_Thank you for the report, Hibari-san. Would you -_

The elevator door slid close with a soft thump and brought him back up to the upper floors. The reverberating voice of Sawada Tsunayoshi stopped resounding in his head.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

_"Just give it up. You won't change anything."_

_"Not until I snuff you out of his mind."_

Eye twitching, Hibari evaded a rather strong lash of Dino's whip and jumped backwards, staring at the man like he was a ghost. He was hearing things again. It really wasn't his day. He kept hearing random conversations in his head. This time he even heard his own voice. Was he really so tired that he was having delusions?

Eyes blazing in anger and irritation, he charged forward.

"You could get killed in this era if you're this weak, Kyouya."

_"I'll kill you and free Tsuna one day, Kyouya."_

For a split second, his vision of Dino overlapped with another vision where the man looked a few years younger and not as tall. The overlapping vision was gone in a blink. Hibari bit his lips and charged harder, aiming to hurt the man with stronger force. He really, really hated this future.

"Start learning to control your powers already or I'll really kill you!"

"But you wouldn't because it would upset him if I die, would you?"

The remark came to his lips before Hibari could stop himself. He was not even aware of what he just said, so he was slightly confused to see a flash of what he recognised as bewilderment in Dino's eyes.

It was Dino's turn to halt in his movement. He jumped backwards to create a fair distance from Hibari and stared at the younger boy with eyes wide.

"How—What!?"

"What '_what'_?"

Dino shook his head. "How did you know…about Tsuna?"

"I didn't say anything about him."

"You just did."

Silence stretched through the atmosphere between them. Romario and Kusakabe looked on from the sidelines, feeling uneasy with the sudden thickness of malice, hatred and a sprinkle of confusion in the air.

"Why else would you say it would upset him if I kill you?"

Hibari opened his mouth to retort but found no words he could use against the man. Dino was right. What did he say? What was he saying Why did he say what he said? The worst of it all was that he wasn't even aware of his own speech.

He narrowed his eyes to slits, staring pass the man standing before him.

"Why would he be upset if I die?"

_And what is this ache in my heart?_

He didn't have time to dodge the sudden sharp lash of Dino's whips against his stomach, sending him flying and hitting his back against the railings. He coughed out a small bit of blood and looked up, gathering his strength to counterattack. The dangerous glint in Dino's eyes, however, froze him to his spot. The eyes did not belong to the person he knew in his era. The eyes burning its gaze on him was worthy of a bloodless assassin who would not hesitate to kill anyone in his way.

"Boss," Romario called out to Dino, soothing the strong killing intent coating Dino's aura with utmost care. "It's time to observe Sawada-san's training."

No, it wasn't time yet, but it was best to keep Dino away from Hibari at least for a while. If this situation were to continue, it was not impossible for the tenth Cavallone to send the tenth Vongola Nuvola to his death ten years too early.

Dino clenched his teeth and put his whip away, running his fingers through his hair messily. Sending one last glare at his disciple, he left with Romario, leaving Kusakabe to gulp and try to construct his words properly as to not aggravate the young Cloud Guardian any more than he already was.

"Kyou-san… Maybe you should head back to the hideout and rest."

He damn well should. Nothing was making sense anymore.

"Hey, Kusakabe Tetsuya."

"Y—yes?"

"What happened to this world?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Hibari knew Sawada Tsunayoshi was not just another boy. It was not even appropriate to call him 'herbivore' like he would refer to everyone else. Just like Reborn, Tsuna was special. He had strength that Hibari's mind could not fathom. He was kind, expressive and he wore his heart on his sleeves. Hibari didn't know why he noticed all of the small, trivial little facts about Tsuna, but he at least knew he didn't dislike the younger boy.

No, he didn't dislike him at all.

Here in the middle of the forest, Hibari stared at the empty coffin alone on its own, its lid half open and its inside lined with white lilies that never seemed to wither. If he was brought to the future earlier than everyone else, would he see a person lying inside this small home of the dead, eyes closed and detached from everything around him? Would he see an older Tsuna lying inside?

He dropped to his knees and pushed the lid off of its place, running his hand softly along the smooth texture of its cushioned interior. He picked up a few strands of brown hair. The hair was longer than the young Tsuna's, so it could only belong to the boy's older self.

The dead older self who was gunned down by the Millefiore, or at least that was what Kusakabe told him. In his hand were lifeless strands of hair which used to belong to an equally lifeless man.

"_You won't come back to life even if it's all over."_

"_I know."_

Hibari slammed one fist onto the ground in frustration. There were voices in his head. It was telling him a story that he didn't understand. Nothing was clear and nothing felt real.

Only this dull ache clawing at his heart felt real.

He pounded the ground below him with his fist a few more times until he heard a rustle of dry leaves coming from the direction of the hideout.

And then there was a swishing sound of long cloak piercing the silence.

**- To Be Continued -**

Don't misunderstand me, please. I love Dino (even more so if he's paired with Squalo)~

Sorry for the long wait and thank you for reading. I have a lot of doujinshi to finish and artworks to do for my next convention (and so little time left, sobs).

As usual, all kinds of inputs are loved and cherished


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